Proper Use of "Shut Up", by Ella

Other than the traditional swear words, there are two phrases that are taboo in the Leatherman household: "stupid" and "shut up."  For awhile when Cal was three, maybe four years old, the term, "whatever" was in that list.  It was an impromptu, unplanned add given his frequent use of the term to dismiss something I had said.

"Cal, please put your shoes away," I might've said.

"WHATEVER!" he'd respond and not put his shoes away.

Initially, the term could never be used, even when used appropriately, as in, "whatever you want to do is fine."  Eventually, it evolved to not being used in the dismissive context. I distinctly remember having endless conversations with Cal about it.

"I can say, 'Whatever... you want to do," he'd say.

"Yes, that's right, Cal," I'd respond.

"I can say, "Whatever... the color is."

"Yes, Cal."

"I can say, "Whatever... I want to eat."

"Yes, Cal, you can."

On and on it would go.  He understood.

Cal and I found ourselve engaged (though "engaged" might be too strong a word; "sucked in" might be more appropriate) in a similar conversation with Ella on our way to the beach on Sunday.  The radio was playing and the song, "Shut Up and Dance with Me," made its way to the airwaves.  Instead of turning it off given its constant use of one of our taboo phrases (thanks a lot, music industry), I decided to let it play and sang along.

Ella knows not to say it and asked about it.  So I explained why I thought it was okay, saying that he's not being mean and telling someone to just "shut up, stop talking."  "He's saying, 'Oh, stop talking and come and have fun and dance with me!'" I said.

Ella understood and brought our chat to her typical levels of insessant talking.  "Yeah, he can say, 'Shut up and dance with me.'"

And then...

"I can say this, Mommy... I can say, "'SHUT UP... that is SO COOL.'"

"Yes, that's right, Ellie," I responded.

"I can say, "'SHUT UP... this is SO AWESOME.'"

"Yep, you've got it, Baby Girl."

"I can say... I can say... 'Oh my gosh, SHUT UP... that is SO BEAUTIFUL.'"

"That's right, you can say that.  Just don't tell someone to "shut up" because you want them to stop talking.  That's mean," I tried to end it.

But she carried on with the same phrases, on and on, excited that she understood, perhaps more excited that she could say, "shut up."  This went on for another 5 minutes, until we reached the beach.

I know I was walking a thin line by opening up the gates on the use of the phrase, "shut up."  But why not?  She gets it, just like Cal understood acceptable usage of "whatever" back in the day.

Two hours later, we were, again, in the car.  Wouldn't you know it, that same song once again made its way to the airwaves.  Cal heard it right away and said, "Oh, no, don't let Ella talk about this AGAIN!"

We all laughed and somehow managed to NOT talk about it.  "Whatever" the explanation for that was, Cal and I were both happy that she decided to "shut up" about it.