I have a holiday-recap post in the works, and it’s taking me a lot longer than I expected or like. So I thought I’d do an interim post, inspired by something that happened last night. Afterall, I do have to average around 2 posts per week if I’m to meet my goal of 100 posts for the year.
I’m pretty sure Ella was doing this before the holidays, but her insistence on “no nigh nigh” seems to have been exacerbated by having a lot of time at home and a non-schedule that presented a certain amount of freedom to adjust our daily routines as the days played out. I’m certain it started during the bedtime routine – get jammies on, brush teeth, read books and, just before the go-to-bed part, “no nigh nigh.” You could count on Ella saying it. Then it moved up in the routine, say, before jammies, “no nigh nigh,” Ella slightly shaking her head from side to side as she uttered it.
Eventually, Ella started saying “no nigh nigh” earlier in the day, completely inappropriate for the goings on at the time. While eating: “no nigh nigh.” While coloring: “no nigh nigh.” While sitting in her car seat while heading to the store: “no nigh nigh.” I almost always responded to her “no nigh nigh” with a statement appropriate for the situation. Just before jammies: “Not just yet – we’ll get your jammies on, brush your teeth, read books and then it’ll be nigh-nigh time.” Just before nap: “No nigh nigh. Just a little nappy.” While coloring: “No nigh nigh for awhile, Baby Girl. No need to think about that now.”
Though she talked big about not doing “nigh nigh,” when it came time to actually execute on it, Ella would always fall asleep or settle down cry-free for a bit before falling asleep. A little rough with the initial lay-down in her crib, silence could be heard (can you hear silence?) behind the door to her room minutes after being laid down. That was so until the last week or two.
Now as we enter “nigh-nigh” time, in addition to constant insistence on “no nigh nigh,” Ella will grasp my left arm tightly and snuggly wrap her legs around my hips as we approach her crib. As I peel her away from my body and start laying her in her crib, she glares at me with frightened eyes. As I lay her on her mattress, she begins to cry – real tears. And as quickly as I put her down, she’s bouncing back up, grasping her “binky” in one hand and her Minnie or her baby in her other hand. She is now standing, facing me, begging to be picked up, still sobbing. So I pick her up. Sometimes I hold her for a bit to “talk” her off the ledge; other times, I put her back down immediately. Once I put her back down, I dart out of the room with a quick “good night! I love you!” and close the door behind me.
At this point, it is a test of wills. How long CAN she cry before giving up and just falling asleep? How long CAN I listen to her cry before giving in and grabbing her from her crib and just holding her in my arms as we sit in the glider in her room? To date, it’s probably a wash on who wins the test. To be honest, I like holding her, her head curled under my chin, as we rock back and forth in the glider. Making this a regular gig probably isn’t good for us and is developing some bad habits; it also keeps me from being as productive at night as I believe I need to be.
Last night was probably the worst it’s been. We had a rough bedtime routine execution cut short by a toothbrushing battle that I think she won but only because I felt bad for Ella once I saw the new tooth cutting through her gums. At any rate, I followed Ella’s lead – we skipped books altogether and just lay in mine and Dan’s bed, Ella belly-side down on her “binky” which was draped across my chest. Zoe eventually joined us, curling up on my quads, her fur just grazing Ella’s feet. There were little dialogue and eventually some heaving breathing from a calm, limp-bodied Ella; so I figured this and that my feet were cramping were good indications that it was time to transfer her to her crib.
We had done this the other day, Ella and I. She had fallen asleep on my chest for an hour or so, and Dan came in to “relieve” me and take her to her crib. This transition went really well – Ella did not make a sound and slept through the night. I had high hopes this would happen without Dan’s involvement last night.
It didn’t.
Ella stirred a bit when I first got up from the bed and began walking to her room. As soon as we got into her room, she knew where we were and squeezed me tighter and uttered a quiet “no nigh nigh.” I placed her in her crib. She didn’t have the normal panicked look on her face as I lay her down in her crib. She was clearly awake but completely calm. I didn’t know what to do. Leave? Rub her belly or her arms like they do at school? I opted for the latter, and it seemed to be working. She lay quietly, calmly, her eyes bouncing back and forth, Ella trustfully wondering where she was. But she didn’t doze off. And then I read her – she started showing signs of anxiety, so it was time for me to dart. “Good night, baby girl. I love you!” I said as I ran out of the room.
With that, the past hour and a half had been wiped away as if it never happened. Clearly, I had made the wrong choice – lay her down and immediately leave her relaxed was the better option. She was crying as I went downstairs to do a few things… and she kept crying. And then she started uttering the phrases “No Mommy nigh nigh” and “No nigh nigh, Mommy,” always with the “Mommy” part.
I remember months ago Dan and me sending Cal to bed without dinner for some valid reason. I remember his crying at the top of the stairs behind the gate that he couldn’t open and his repeated pleas for help that started with “Mommy.” And I remember his recalling the next day how he had called for me and how I hadn’t come to him. In his head, I had let him down. Though I believe I was in the right, this kills me. He didn’t recall Daddy letting him down – Mommy did. I don’t want this.
I don’t know how many times Ella said “Mommy” as she cried, but it was enough that I was concerned that her perception was that I was letting her down. So I went back up to her room to find her sitting in her crib, clenching her "binky" and holding her baby’s arm. And I hoisted her out of her crib and headed to our room for round two of laying Ella on my chest to comfort her as she fell asleep. Nothing done as planned for the evening, I had every intention of falling asleep along with her at this point in the evening, leaving Dan to retrieve her to transfer her to her crib.
It worked.
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