A Week in the Life - Day 4

So yesterday I mentioned that we're celebrating a Week of the Young Child at the Leatherkids' school (for Cal, it's his before-and-after-school school).  Every day this week has a theme.  The first day's theme actually escapes me.  That I can't remember could very well be that it didn't really have a theme so much as a thing to remember to bring in -- the kids were asked last week to decorate this outline of a child, and these were due on Monday.  We remembered, which is nothing short of a miracle.  Keeping track of this shit... I mean... stuff is a full-time job in and of itself.

Yesterday's theme was crazy-hair day.  There's not much we could do with Cal's hair; and considering he'd be spending most of his day not at the school where this celebration was happening, it made sense that he not sport some crazy hair.  But Ella... Ella really could have.  The kid wakes up with crazy hair, oftentimes looking like she rubbed the back of her head on a balloon, leaving her hair sticking up all over and ratty.  I had visions of braiding her hair and putting pencils in the braids so they'd stick out... or doing that nutty 5-braid style that she asked me to do a few months ago. Something... anything... crazy, or a little nutty.  But Ella did not want to.

Fair enough.  Today, though... today was wear-your-favorite-sports-team-jersey day.  The Blackhawks would be playing today.  The kids both got Hawks jerseys for Christmas -- Toews for Cal and Sharp for Ella.  It was perfect.  I even announced to them last night that they could wear their Hawks jerseys today.  I said it enthusiastically to instill some buy-in and excitement.  I even hung their jerseys on their bedroom doors.

When Ella told me from her bed that she didn't want to wear hers this AM, I wasn't surprised.  She wanted to wear a dress instead.  I told myself I wouldn't help her get a dress down from her closet rod since she wasn't complying with my one dress-code request, but I helped her anyway.  Pressed for time to get out the door in time to catch my train, I quickly weighed the risks against the principles and quickly concluded that not helping her just wasn't worth the risk.  In the moment, I did not want to deal with any whining or tantrum that might follow should I not get a dress for her.  So I grabbed all of her dresses, threw them on her bed and stormed out of her room, making no point at all.  She got herself dressed.

Meanwhile, Cal showed up in my room in his standard outfit (sweats and a t-shirt).  No jersey.  What?  He gave me some nonsense about saving it for the wear-your-favorite-sports-team-jersey day at his elementary school.

"Wasn't that in March?" I asked him.

"No... I think it's sometime in April," he told me.

I reminded him that we're already halfway through April and that I didn't think he was right; and then that conversation just ended.

Now I was always the consummate participant in school theme days, having participated in many spirit weeks in my junior high and high school days.  That's the only thing I know -- participate... participate... participate.  Be a part of something bigger than me whenever I could.

I'll be honest -- that my kids are choosing not to paricipate in these types of events is disappointing.  On the one hand, I'm proud of them for exercising their free will, for making their own, independent choices that may not be popular.  On the other hand, I think there's something to be said for choosing to participate... for sharing in the celebration of something they have in common with a small group of people in this big world.  I think that's important.  I wonder if they'll be making the same choices 5 or 10 years from now.

Offhand, I don't know the theme for tomorrow.  It's 9:29pm, and I'm on my way home from work.  I stayed late for a happy hour and even later to get some work done but didn't get enough done.  The kids are probably asleep after a long day at school which was topped off with a game night with Dan joining in the fun.  I'll bet they left game night early, went home, got in their jammies, turned the Hawks game on and then lay together on mine and Dan's bed watching the game... falling asleep to the game.

Me, I can't seem to shut my mind off.  It's constantly working through things to do, to analyze or to get answers to at work. So far, I feel like I'm managing it okay and not letting it mix or overlap too much with my family, but nothing is ever done.  And I don't know that sacrificing hours of sleep to try to get work done but to never be done is a good idea.  I think it's my only choice.  I'm happy to do it.  It's a cost of being a part of something big at work.  But I am tired... really tired.