WANTED

Job: Ella Putter-to-Bed

Start Date: Immediately (Daddy and Mommy have no more patience)

Frequency: Nightly

Start Time: 7:30pm

End Time: Depends on how good you are

Pay: $0 (we do offer a glass or bottle of wine or beer or I think we may have some Bacardi... after two nights, you will want a drink)

Job Description: Put Ella to bed at night. Scope of job does not necessarily include getting her into her pajamas or assisting her with brushing her teeth.  Involves reading her 0-3 books, depending upon her cooperation level in getting ready for bed.  Occasionally requires assisting her with a trip to the potty after round 2 of being put to bed. Often requires picking her, sleeping, up off the landing of the stairs and carrying her to her bed.

Qualifications:

• Must be able to read at a first-grade level
• Must be able to motivate her to select books in a timely manner
• Must not have an opinion of the quality or enjoyment of any of the books she selects or let on that you do have an opinion - if you want to read a specific book to her, she will not select it
• Must be able to transition quickly from book-reading in glider to moving her toward her bed - any hesitation is enough time for her to realize what's going on and devise additional requirements (aka demands)
• Must be able to lift 35 pounds... and getting heavier
• Must be able to put the correct three "covers" (blankets) on her in proper order, each at proper placement and weight distribution over her body
• Must assist her in finding the "handles" (corners) of first (aka "blue") blanket
• Must be willing to take an endless list of orders from a 3-year-old
• Must not feel the need to shut hers or her parents' door and must be able to patiently deal with repeated demands not to "shut the door"
• Must be able to let her give you "one more kiss and a hug" up to 100 times
• Must be able to say "no" to her request to turn on her fan... in her cold room... during the polar vortex... knowing she'll get out of bed and be unable to put her blankets back on
• Must be willing to repeat the cycle, starting with putting three covers on her
• Must be able to contain frustration after round 5 the first night, round 4 the second, and so on down... trust me, you'll get there
• Must believe that a night light sufficiently lights a room rendering a closet light unnecessary
• Ability to get through to her that if she stays in bed under the pile of blankets you've put on her at her insistence she won't need you to assist her with putting her covers on a plus
• Thick skin a must - she will beat you down

Please contact either Dan or me if interested... hell, not even if interested... contact us if you can help us out... please... PLEASE... We're frustrated and angry and impatient before we even start the process these days.  A tag-team approach is welcome and actually encouraged.  Don't underestimate the challenge of this job.

Sister job to get Ella up and dressed in the morning may be posted soon!