10 Things I Never Would Have Thought I’d Say to my Toddlers but Have

Below are 10 things that never even crossed my mind that I would have said to my kids at 4 and 2 years old... but that I have said to them.

1. "Don’t draw on the house."  With a carless driveway prime for sidewalk-chalk art, my kids chose to use the sidewalk chalk on the house instead.
2. "Wipe your buns after you poop."  This baffles and frustrates me to no end.  My threats to Cal that he’ll get a rash if he doesn't wipe doesn’t keep him from not wiping.  Fortunately for Cal, he's a pretty "clean" pooper.
3. "Don’t pull on your brother’s penis."  I suppose this shouldn’t be surprising, but curious Ella on more than one occasion has pulled on Cal’s penis in the shower.  Maybe I shouldn’t giggle as I tell her not to do that.
4. "Don’t kick the cat."  I can’t even relate to this.  I love animals and believe that even non-animal lovers know not to do this.  Not Cal.  He kicked our old cat, Squeaker, on more than one occasion; and I’ve seen him do the same to our current cat, Zoe.
5. "You don’t like Macaroni & Cheese?"  I thought every kid likes Mac and Cheese.  It’s supposed to be our go-to!  While it is for Ella, for Cal it’s not.
6. "Don’t eat dog food."  Cal followed Grandpa’s lead under my watch and ate a pebble of dog food.  I can’t even get him to eat Macaroni and Cheese – did I think he’d actually eat the dog food?  No.
7. "Do you have your purse, Cal?"  Every once in awhile, Ella wants to carry a purse with her as we head somewhere.  Sometimes when she has, Cal has, too.  “Wait, I need to get my purse,” he’ll declare.
8. "That’s not very nice, and it hurts my feelings" <in response to “I don’t like you, Mommy.”>.  Call me naïve, but I never expected to hear this from my 4- and 2-year-olds.  As teenagers, yes; but as sweet little innocent toddlers?
9. "You can't wear long sleeves and long pants in the summer."  This I will never understand.  Given the choice, Cal will pick long sleeves and long pants to wear every day regardless of temperature.  In most cases, he has the choice; in 90-degree weather, I insist on short sleeves and short pants.
10. "Don’t run over your sister."  Somehow our wagon-pulling Ella got in front of our Dora tricycle-riding Cal, got tripped up by the Dora tricycle’s wheel, fell and was almost completely run over by Dora tricycle-riding Cal.  It remains to be seen whether he had enough momentum to roll over her body, but luckily I was there to stop him.