The kids don't share the same feelings about our personal computer. In fact, computer time is so desired and treasured around our house during the weekends that it oftentimes leads to fights... take this morning, for instance.
Dan has instituted some rules for earning computer time... for the kids, that is. His rule is two minutes of reading time for one minute of computer time; and I typically adjust it slightly, making it one-for-one to make it a little less daunting for them. Admittedly, I've been known to abandon the rule entirely, just to get a block of time with peace and quiet to re-acquire my own sanity; but that's a topic for another blog post.
Anyway, whether it's two-for-one or one-for-one, it seems to be a good rule and encourages reading... kind of. Most of their time reading is spent checking on how much time they've accumulated. Cal's buns had barely hit the couch this morning when he was asking, as he opened up his Star Wars whatever book, "Mama, how much time do I have?" I'm not sure how I responded, perhaps with rolled eyes, perhaps with a smart-ass "1 second" or perhaps with, "You just started."
Cal's asking, of course, triggered Ella, who was already a few minutes into her reading, to ask, "How much time do I have?" to which I responded, "Five minutes." It was a rough guess as I technically hadn't started timing her, but it seemed reasonable.
It was quiet for a few minutes, atypically more than a few, actually. Then a check happened. "Mama, how many minutes?" Cal asked. "15," I told him, and this is with no assessment of the quality of his reading. For all I know, his eyes glossed over the words most of that time, if they even went over the words at all. There's a lot of unearned trust in the current implementation of this.
Anyway, since Cal asked, Ella asked. "20," I told her. "Can I go first?" she asked. I told her that, yes, she could; afterall, she was 20 minutes in and would hit 30 minutes sooner than Cal, at 15 minutes in, would. I'm not sure exactly how the 30-minute target came about, but it did... so I just stuck with it.
Two minutes later, I was being asked again. And again, 30 seconds later. At this point, it was ridiculous; so Dan instituted the "if you ask how much time you have, we're going to take a minute away" rule. Ella didn't like this and completely flew off the handle in classic Ella style, a style we really haven't seen in awhile. It's been sooooooo nice.
I don't remember all that she said, but let's just characterize it as spewing jibberish and nonsensical statements while flailing her body onto the couch and off... and on... and off, all the while kicking and screaming her jibberish when she could. Cal started teasing her and laughing, which garnered a "Stop it, Cal, you're making me not read!" from her. Cal kept laughing. I started laughing. And then Dan started blowing her kisses.
Hindsight is telling me we probably shouldn't have teased her so much. I mean, it was hard not to because it was amusing at this point. She completely lost her mind. Minutes were being taken away from her. Couple that with not actually reading, and she fell behind Cal.
BOOM! She technically hadn't fallen apart to this point. But with the news that Cal would get to 30 minutes and the computer first, Ella completely lost her mind. And once I actually got him started with his computer time, it got even worse.
So while Cal did his usual Lego video watching on the computer -- yes, he searches for Lego things and watches Lego-assembling videos -- Ella and I had a back and forth complete with me trying to be stern and deliver completely logical responses to Ella's... insanity. Of course, this approach didn't work and eventually led to me insisting she go upstairs to calm down because "I didn't want to talk to her anymore." Getting her to cooperate on her own at this point was like moving a mountain, so I had to up my volume and participation in getting her up there. I helped her get her books, Blue Blankie and unicorn stuffed animal balanced in her arms and sent her to her room again. She stood on the landing of the stairs still complaining about not getting computer time first; and I told her if she said that one more time and didn't go up to her room she wouldn't get any computer time.
I really wanted her to have her fucking computer time and wished I hadn't said that, but I did... so I had to stick to it. She complained about not going first one more time and I said, "That's it! No computer time for you today!" Ugh. As expected, this didn't go over well, and she still wasn't in her fucking room. So it wasn't over, and I had no sense for when it would end. If I could just figure out the magic word or the magic response...
The next several minutes involved me yelling at her -- still the logical stuff (the general theme being that she chose this, not me), just at a heightened volume -- and her yelling back at me that I'm mean and she really wants to go on the computer. I left her and headed back downstairs. Ella stayed in her room and eventually calmed herself down... after Cal's 30 minutes were up.
Calm, she made her way downstairs and apologized to me. This was my in! I picked her up, set her in my lap and gave her a hug. I spoke calmly about how she needs to learn to control herself and keep herself calm. I told her the rules were simple and she just needed to follow them. I told that she needed to trust me if she does follow the rules and explained what that meant. I told her not worry about Cal. I told her I love her and I'm really proud of her. And then I told her that since she apologized, I'd let her earn computer time if she wanted it. She's have to start over and could do it all at once or in chunks -- I'd keep track of it.
She then calmly went to "the library" (our shelf of books downstairs) and grabbed a book. After 15 minutes of reading, she got excited about the proposal Dan laid out that we go to the park. That led to another short-lived meltdown between the three of them; and, as I finish this, Ella is now sitting next to me with her toy toolbox and pounding wooden nails into wooden washers with her wooden hammer. It's loud, slightly annoying and not great for my focus and sanity, but I'll take it over the computer time debacle anytime.
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