Ella's Open Door

Since she was about 8 weeks old, Ella has been sleeping in her own bed through the night.  We put her to bed sometime between 7pm and 8pm; and, until recently, she’d fall asleep quietly and sleep solidly until the morning, sometimes even after 7am.  Sure there were some instances where she’d cry for 30 seconds at 2am; but as quickly and randomly as that would start, it would end.  I chalked it up to her having some kind of slightly disturbing dream.

Not by her own choice, Ella was a door-closed sleeper.  We wanted to promote a quiet, peaceful zone for her to sleep; and with Cal not far down the hall from her, there was too much risk that quiet zone would be disrupted.  Plus, having the door closed made for a simple rule for Cal to follow – DO NOT OPEN ELLA’S DOOR, a rule he generally followed.  At any rate, at bedtime, we’d lay Ella in her crib, give the goodnight spiel and then leave her room, closing the door behind us.  This would be followed by silence… for the rest of the night.

Recently, Ella asked that her door be left open, a request that I thought was a simple tweak to the bedtime routine and one that I was certain would now not disrupt the routine’s effectiveness.  So, I left her door open, gave my goodnight spiel and then left her room without closing the door behind me.  The first night, this was followed by silence and a sleeping toddler.

Then she started talking about it minutes, sometimes hours in advance of bedtime.  “Leave the door open,” she’d say many times whether she was already in her crib for bed… or putting her jammies on… or sitting at the dinner table.  This, alone, is just annoying.  “Yes, Ella… we’ll leave the door open,” we respond with an “alright-already” tone.

Unfortunately, keeping the door open at bedtime has also brought us some troubles.  For one, Ella doesn’t like Zoe (our cat) to come into her room at night when Ella’s in her crib.  I’m not really sure why this is.  I mean, Ella is the unfortunate recipient of scratches from Zoe more often than anyone else in the house, but it’s generally accidental and never vicious in nature.  Ella loves Zoe, and I’m sure Zoe feels the same way about Ella.  “Zoe not come in my room,” she’ll say.  Initially I’d respond, “Well, your door is open, so Zoe might come into your room.  If you don’t want Zoe in your room, we need to shut the door.”  And then this would lead to a heated back-and-forth between the two of us about what we were going to do with the darn door and Zoe.  This inevitably ended with me exiting Ella’s room, leaving the door open and grabbing Zoe to take her downstairs with me.

I tired of this fairly quickly and decided to play a game of odds and just agree with Ella that Zoe would not come into her room at night even with the door open.  For the most part, this approach worked pretty well – our pre-bedtime conversation was cut short and Zoe usually didn’t go into her room.  When she did, I’d hear about it.  “Mommy, Zoe’s in my room!”  Ella would exclaim when Zoe did make her way into Ella’s room at night.  “Mommy, Zoe’s in my room!”  she’d repeat.  I had no choice but to go get the cat.  As I did, I couldn’t leave it at just retrieving her; I found myself complaining to Ella about the whole situation, that this is what happens when we leave the door open… we should really shut the door… she needs to choose between the door open and the cat out of the room… this is ridiculous.  Her response was consistently, “Leave the door open,” and “Zoe not come in my room.”  In one ear and out the other.   And like a good mommy being totally controlled by her 2-year-old, I left with the cat in hand and the door open.

It is from this that I believe Ella learned that she could speak from her bed and be heard.  She made attempts at engaging Cal in conversation from their respective beds.  When Cal didn’t bite, she started making things up.  All of a sudden, it was very important that she sleep with big Minnie… or with her pink blankie on top of her usual “blue” (mostly white but with blue-tipped edges) knit blankie… or with her fan on… or with her closet light on as if her bright nightlight just wasn’t comforting enough.  “Mommy!” she’d exclaim. 

“Mommy!”

“Mommy!”

“Mommy!”

“Mommy!”

I wait to respond as if I have some magic number in my head for how many times I hear Ella call for me before responding or heading back to her room.  (I don’t – it’s generally just as much as I can tolerate that evening.)  At my break point, I head back to her room to fulfill her request and then lay down this law, “Ellie, if you cry or if you talk to us when it’s time to sleep, we’re going to have to shut your door.”

Oddly, this usually works.  Of course, like leaving the door open and Zoe not coming in her room, she talks about this sometimes well in advance of bedtime, other times as we lay her down for bedtime.  While I’m saying, “I love you and I’m proud of you, Baby Girl.  Have big dreams, get lots of sleep, you’re going to change the world,” she’s saying in parallel, “Leave the door open.  Zoe not come in my room.  If I cry, you shut the door.”  I don’t think she ever really hears what I have to say to her at night other than things about the door and Zoe.

We’ll never know if it was the door-closed routine or just Ella getting older and exercising her right to choice that brought on the bedtime back-and-forth.  I do miss the days when we didn’t have it, but I guess it’s really just a little additional banter.  In the end, she’s still a pretty good sleeper… once she gets there… which isn’t too much longer than it used to be… not really… but do we have to talk about leaving the door open so much?