Whatever...

We all know that kids really pick up on things adults say, so we adults have to be careful with what we say.  Most people, myself and Dan included, are pretty good about not dropping the “F” bomb and other words that fall into the category of swear words.  I think it’s generally understood that swearing is a no-no in front of impressionable kids.

Not unique to the Leatherman family but perhaps less generally practiced, we also make it a point to not use the word “stupid” around Cal and ask him to do the same.  It’s not that “stupid” is a bad word; but it’s a word that can be downright mean if used in a particular context.  We don’t ask others to cooperate with this rule, but we also don’t ask Cal to hold back telling others that they shouldn’t say “that word,” even in a harmless context.

Recently, I was on the receiving end of a dismissive “whatever!” delivered by Cal when I asked him to do something.  I was floored.  This kid is saying “whatever!” to me?!?!!  Where does he get off doing this?!?!!  Little snot!!!  Then I thought for a second… oh, oh… it’s my fault.  I use “whatever!” all the time in roll-your-eyes fun, as in: “You think you did a poor job?  Whatever!” or “You’re going to tear all of the pages out of your books because I insisted you wear shorts in 100-degree weather?  Whatever!” (yes, that was an actual statement). I may cross the line between being fun and being disrespectful on occasion.  But I know how to use “whatever!” in the right context and without being disrespectful, and I am able to recognize when I don’t and correct it or apologize for it.  Cal was disrespectfully dismissing me outright, making no bones about the fact he was ignoring my request.

We had uncovered another “stupid.”

So I wanted to nip this one in the bud before it became a problem in our house. I was already annoyed, and we were still early in the “whatever!” phase.  Rather than treat it like “stupid” and insist that we never use the word “whatever,” I thought I’d try to teach Cal the context in which it is okay to use the word “whatever” and when it is not okay to use it.

I acknowledged to him that I do the same thing, it’s a problem and we can work on correcting it together.  Then came the tough part – context.  I explained that saying “whatever” when it’s just “whatever” is not okay.  If I say, “Please don’t close the door in your sister’s face,” he shouldn’t respond with, “whatever.”   I then told him that we can use it with a lot of other words to follow, such as “whatever you want to wear” or “whatever the number is.”

This was probably a couple of weeks ago that we started working on “whatever,” and I think it’s going pretty well.  There’s been a fair amount of reinforcement and reiteration of examples of when it’s okay to use “whatever” and when it’s not okay. To be honest, I catch myself breaking the rule more than Cal breaks the rule.  The most recent rule breakage went something like this:

Cal <whining>: “I don’t want to go to school… I want to wear long sleeves and long pants… carry me downstairs… my socks are squishy…I can’t do it!..”

Me: “Whatever, Dude!”

Cal <pouting>: <no response>

Me: “Doh!  I just said ‘whatever.’ Nuts! I have to work on not saying that.”

Cal <cracking a smile>: “We can say… <thinking>… ‘whatever the word is,’ but we can’t say ‘whatever.’”

Me <smiling>: “That’s right, Baby Bear… that’s right.”

Context.  He gets it!  Now, if we could just solve that “squishy”-sock problem…