Notes of Shelter-in-Place

With the guarantee of being holed up at home for several weeks per the orders of our Governor while the country scrambled to contain the COVID-19 virus and the expectation that the shelter-in-place orders would surely be extended through the end of the school year, the four of us quickly fell into our new reality.  Dan and I would be working full-time from home. The kids would be e-Learning essentially five days a week.

I scored the office and the isolation it would give me as I spend hour after hour on the phone in meetings, consistently contributing to them and oftentimes facilitating them.  Everyone in my house learned this quickly, typically entering the room quietly, whispering, "Are you on the phone?" if they need to talk to me or grab the crayon box or a random set of headphones.  Rarely do they actually interrupt me with anything other than a groan or an eyeroll.  They respect my work schedule and routine and have done so from the beginning with only an occasional blow-up.

Dan made his way to the desk in our bedroom.  It's not ideal but is certainly conducive to working.  It's also more isolated than the office given its location on the second floor.  He's on less of a hard schedule, spending less time on the phone than I do and more time thinking and analyzing.  That there's a TV provides him an easy escape when he needs it.

Never having done the e-Learning thing before, we initially attempted to have the kids stick to what their daily schedule would be if they were at school.  They'd do Math when they did math in school.  They'd do Reading when they did reading in school.  Same for Social Studies, Science, ELA, Art and Music.  They'd take their lunches at their typical lunch times, head outside during recess times and make sure they were off their Chromebooks and being active during PE times. It seemed like a reasonable plan.

Midday 1, we fell off the e-Learning plan and soon evolved to an edict that the kids just do their work, take breaks and if they have any Zoom meetings, join those.  Over time we learned that their school work should require not more than two hours each day, which, that leaves 6+ hours of figuring out what else to do, within boundaries, old and new.  With Dan and me working full time, they're left to make a lot of independent choices where every once in awhile their parents step in to right the ship.  We're not yet in a Lord of the Flies scenario, but it is floating around in my head as a possibility.  In the meantime, I'm finding comfort in disruptions and notes where they're asking for permission or informing me of something that they're doing or experiencing.

The disruptions are difficult to manage because they typically come at times where I'm trying to listen and understand something that a co-worker is explaining or where I'm facilitating a discussion.  I have to listen.  I have to talk.  Looking back, it's apparently more important to me to hear or manage the work discussion than it is to respond to my kids' questions as most of the time I respond with a scowl and a whispered, "I'm on a call."  I have to believe that I wouldn't do that if they presented me with something... important... right?

The notes are entertaining and covering many topics, and I actually appreciate them.  I find comfort in them in that it's become a different means for us to communicate.  It's how they ask legitimate questions of me or inform me of what they're doing without interrupting me.

This was earlier, where Cal was still trying to follow his school-day schedule.  He'd run 3/4 mile out and then back on his own, and I asked him just to let me know when he was starting and ending.  I liked this one.

This was also Cal's - he oftentimes escapes to shoot some hoops on our driveway, especially since sheltering in place, and has asked that I come out to play with him.  Sometimes we'd play 1-on-1, other times we'd have a 3-point or a free-throw shooting contest and other times I'd just rebound for him as he shot.  Sometimes my answer to this question was no, but I tried to make that the exception than the norm.

This was Ella's note, just looking for some direction.  When she asks what she can do, a craft is always on the list; but that requires my help.  The toilet part of the proposition must have been a time filler.  And reading - can I force my kid to read more than she's supposed to?

  
This one was also Ella's.  I was impressed at how she set up her argument - she acknowledged the freedom of the scenario for Cal but asked for some restraint so she could focus on her studies.  What kid does this?  I think there are plenty of adults who don't take this approach.  How could I  not respond with some help for her?  I remember helping her, I just don't remember exactly how it played out.

These are more recent than the others.  The kids discovered the Vitamax and their ability make smoothies and shakes with it without adult supervision.  Of course, they made sure that we had the supplies by actually writing needed supplies on a grocery list that I fulfilled late last week.  We typically reserve the shakes for after dinner when Dan and I are in their presence; but they have made a few smoothies on their own with plain Greek yogurt, bananas, strawberries, raspberries, ice and "protein powder, Mom, so it's healthy."

And this one.  This one Ella left on the stairs while I exercised.  I discovered it when I was finished and heading up the stairs.  Ugh.  A broken iPad screen.  I read it and wasn't sure what to do next; but she made that decision for me.  She emerged from upstairs, nervous and crying.  I told her it would be okay, that accidents happen and that she just needed to be honest with us.  I told her she could tell her dad and he'd understand.  So she did.  And he did.  It's not a great scenario, and we've had to be sensitive to this since; but she owned this, and I'm proud of her for doing so.

I don't know that I could have expected to be on the receiving ends of so many notes as a means for my kids to communicate with me during the day during this quarantine.  I think that they're recognizing the conditions that they're in and respecting their parents and their parents' work schedules to the extent that they can do so.  It's not ideal, and I'm sure there are some bad habits developing in this; but at least they're communicating, probably better than Dan and I are, holed up in our rooms at our computers.  Hmm...