With the guarantee of being holed up at home for several weeks per the orders of our Governor while the country scrambled to contain the COVID-19 virus and the expectation that the shelter-in-place orders would surely be extended through the end of the school year, the four of us quickly fell into our new reality. Dan and I would be working full-time from home. The kids would be e-Learning essentially five days a week.
I scored the office and the isolation it would give me as I spend hour after hour on the phone in meetings, consistently contributing to them and oftentimes facilitating them. Everyone in my house learned this quickly, typically entering the room quietly, whispering, "Are you on the phone?" if they need to talk to me or grab the crayon box or a random set of headphones. Rarely do they actually interrupt me with anything other than a groan or an eyeroll. They respect my work schedule and routine and have done so from the beginning with only an occasional blow-up.
Dan made his way to the desk in our bedroom. It's not ideal but is certainly conducive to working. It's also more isolated than the office given its location on the second floor. He's on less of a hard schedule, spending less time on the phone than I do and more time thinking and analyzing. That there's a TV provides him an easy escape when he needs it.
Never having done the e-Learning thing before, we initially attempted to have the kids stick to what their daily schedule would be if they were at school. They'd do Math when they did math in school. They'd do Reading when they did reading in school. Same for Social Studies, Science, ELA, Art and Music. They'd take their lunches at their typical lunch times, head outside during recess times and make sure they were off their Chromebooks and being active during PE times. It seemed like a reasonable plan.
Midday 1, we fell off the e-Learning plan and soon evolved to an edict that the kids just do their work, take breaks and if they have any Zoom meetings, join those. Over time we learned that their school work should require not more than two hours each day, which, that leaves 6+ hours of figuring out what else to do, within boundaries, old and new. With Dan and me working full time, they're left to make a lot of independent choices where every once in awhile their parents step in to right the ship. We're not yet in a Lord of the Flies scenario, but it is floating around in my head as a possibility. In the meantime, I'm finding comfort in disruptions and notes where they're asking for permission or informing me of something that they're doing or experiencing.
The disruptions are difficult to manage because they typically come at times where I'm trying to listen and understand something that a co-worker is explaining or where I'm facilitating a discussion. I have to listen. I have to talk. Looking back, it's apparently more important to me to hear or manage the work discussion than it is to respond to my kids' questions as most of the time I respond with a scowl and a whispered, "I'm on a call." I have to believe that I wouldn't do that if they presented me with something... important... right?
The notes are entertaining and covering many topics, and I actually appreciate them. I find comfort in them in that it's become a different means for us to communicate. It's how they ask legitimate questions of me or inform me of what they're doing without interrupting me.
This was earlier, where Cal was still trying to follow his school-day schedule. He'd run 3/4 mile out and then back on his own, and I asked him just to let me know when he was starting and ending. I liked this one.
This was also Cal's - he oftentimes escapes to shoot some hoops on our driveway, especially since sheltering in place, and has asked that I come out to play with him. Sometimes we'd play 1-on-1, other times we'd have a 3-point or a free-throw shooting contest and other times I'd just rebound for him as he shot. Sometimes my answer to this question was no, but I tried to make that the exception than the norm.
This was Ella's note, just looking for some direction. When she asks what she can do, a craft is always on the list; but that requires my help. The toilet part of the proposition must have been a time filler. And reading - can I force my kid to read more than she's supposed to?
This one was also Ella's. I was impressed at how she set up her argument - she acknowledged the freedom of the scenario for Cal but asked for some restraint so she could focus on her studies. What kid does this? I think there are plenty of adults who don't take this approach. How could I not respond with some help for her? I remember helping her, I just don't remember exactly how it played out.
These are more recent than the others. The kids discovered the Vitamax and their ability make smoothies and shakes with it without adult supervision. Of course, they made sure that we had the supplies by actually writing needed supplies on a grocery list that I fulfilled late last week. We typically reserve the shakes for after dinner when Dan and I are in their presence; but they have made a few smoothies on their own with plain Greek yogurt, bananas, strawberries, raspberries, ice and "protein powder, Mom, so it's healthy."
And this one. This one Ella left on the stairs while I exercised. I discovered it when I was finished and heading up the stairs. Ugh. A broken iPad screen. I read it and wasn't sure what to do next; but she made that decision for me. She emerged from upstairs, nervous and crying. I told her it would be okay, that accidents happen and that she just needed to be honest with us. I told her she could tell her dad and he'd understand. So she did. And he did. It's not a great scenario, and we've had to be sensitive to this since; but she owned this, and I'm proud of her for doing so.
I don't know that I could have expected to be on the receiving ends of so many notes as a means for my kids to communicate with me during the day during this quarantine. I think that they're recognizing the conditions that they're in and respecting their parents and their parents' work schedules to the extent that they can do so. It's not ideal, and I'm sure there are some bad habits developing in this; but at least they're communicating, probably better than Dan and I are, holed up in our rooms at our computers. Hmm...
Three plus weeks ago, the terms "social distancing" and "stay in place" were completely new to me and ramping up in usage by political leaders and news reporters I follow regularly and respect. I quickly figured out what each meant, of course. My company started with a business continuity test geared to keep us at home yet continue to operate our business on March 13th, of which I hated the idea; and, sensing that this thing wasn't going away quickly, our leadership announced that we should all plan to work from home the following week as well, actually practicing social distancing, or keeping a distance from people. Over the course of that week, things seemed to escalate quickly. Professional and college sports organizations one by one started cancelling their seasons, California declared some stay-in-place orders, New York was quickly becoming the epicenter of the pandemic in the US, and people in Chicago still celebrated St. Patrick's Day despite parades being cancelled and strong recommendations to practice social distancing. Our governor was pissed and by Friday, the end of our first full week of working from home, we knew that we'd be on the receiving end of stay-in-place orders in Illinois ourselves. We needed to be home and stay home.
COVID-19 is here and not going away anytime soon.
Going into it, I was afraid of being holed up with my husband and kids for a period of time, say a few weeks. That's just way too much time with some strong personalities, interests and needs different from my own. I was also angry and couldn't let go of the fact that the inept, selfish, short-sighted egomaniac who landed in the position of being the President of the United States had cut funding to the CDC in 2018, weakening our ability to avoid or at least minimize the impact of an outbreak should it happen. I don't know that a pandemic of this magnitude could have been predicted; but I do know that we've been threatened in recent years by SARS, Ebola and Zika and somehow escaped those. I have to believe the CDC was doing its job when it had the funding to do so. It wasn't the slowness that our supposed leaders were reacting to the reality of the Coronavirus or the utter underestimation of its pervasiveness they were giving it that bothered me; it was that we even had to deal with it in the first place. I really believe this could have been skirted in the United States. We're better than this.
But I let go of that anger. I didn't let myself be surprised or disappointed in stupid people being stupid, and Trump and his cronies are too stupid and motivated by their own self interests for me to be angry with them. They can't be different. I've accepted this. As I did this, I found myself going about my days holed up and unaffected by the goings-on outside of my house and finding comfort that governors, including mine, were stepping up, acknowledging the risks and doing something about it. Planning. Heeding the warnings of scientists and medical professionals. And I regularly sought information from those people I knew would provide facts, notably medical professionals like Doctors Fauci and Osterholm. I found comfort in the reality of the facts.
The COVID-19 pandemic is here.
I can go anywhere with this post at this point. I've done a lot of adjusting, a lot of observing and a lot of thinking about the effect this pandemic has had on mine and my family's lives. I figure the best place to start it so answer this: what has social distancing looked like for the Leathermans?
Well, we're not scared. There aren't a lot of questions about who can catch the virus and what it can do to a person and why people get sick and die from it. There really aren't. Dan has probably been the most sensitive to the reality of it, with his somewhat compromised immune system. The kids are following the rules without much resistance or questions, and I really don't know to what to attribute that. And I... well, if anyone's going to a store or to pick up takeout, it's I; but I have kept that at a minimum, and I am careful about it.
We're working from home. Dan and I are lucky enough to work for a company that supports this and, thus far, have been able to go about our day-to-day work responsibilities from the comforts of our own home. I purposely use the term "comforts" because we did remodel our entire first floor a few months ago, and just being at home in the results of that remodel is comfortable. Thank goodness for that. I sit at the new desk in the office, on calls and participating in meetings constantly -- this reality of my job is what makes me prefer to go into the office. And Dan sits at the desk in our bedroom, on fewer calls and going about his days. He had been working from home three of five days already, so the biggest change for him has been having three other people in his space throughout his workdays.
We're e-Learning... well, the kids are. To date, e-Learning has thankfully not required a lot of involvement from Dan and me. The kids are fairly independent and managing their days on their own. Our requirements have been that they e-Learn on the first floor, respect each other's space, don't turn on the TV and make sure that they "play" as they would at school. I ask and they tell me they're doing the work they're supposed to be doing and getting help from their teachers when (if) they need it. I am grateful that they're good students; however, I do recognize that the "Learning" part of "e-Learning" is probably compromised. I don't know what I can do with that other than accept it. Would it be better for them to have to repeat these months over the summer? Or their grade levels over next year? Methinks not. I have to trust that whatever it is that we're doing now is sufficient for them to pick up when we come out of this and do whatever they're supposed to do next.
We cancelled our Spring Break. We were headed to Myrtle Beach. Honestly, I think I'm the only one who actually wanted to go there. Not that everyone else was resistant, of course; it just didn't have the allure that something like Disney or California or a waterpark an hour away has for the kids. None of us was torn up about it; I just wanted to put my feet in the ocean, really. I enjoy that. Instead, I chose to work four of the five days, Dan did puzzles, and the kids did whatever they wanted, with some controls of course, not that I can remember what they were. Limit TV. Limit iPad. Limit X-Box. Get Outside. Do a craft. These rules were loosely enforced all week and I wouldn't say the "limiting" aspect of them was achieved; but Cal did play a lot of basketball and Ella did do a lot of crafts. And I made sure to play and craft with each of them when I could.
I'm still exercising, a mix of elliptical, TRX, running, walking, basketball, yoga and now biking. One would think it's easier to get this in than usual given the work-from-home scenario; however, I'm finding myself getting to it in the evening hours... 4:30, 5pm. Every once in awhile, a Leatherkid joins me for that exercise; but, generally, I'm on my own, which is what I prefer. It's still my escape.
We're not getting on each other's nerves, at least not notably more than usual. There are occasional flare-ups with the kids (Ella hums, Cal is super sensitive to noise); and there are a lot of wrappers, dishes and glasses strewn about, catching the attention and hitting the nerves of (mostly) Dan. I don't blame him, really. The rule is so simple - if you take something out, put it away; if you create garbage, throw it away. Criminy. Just do it. I'll never understand why doing that automatically is not the preferred option over not and then suffering the consequences.
We're catching up on TV shows and starting new ones. Dan and I finished the multiple-season "The Ranch," and he finished "Ozark" tonight (I'll catch up this weekend, I'm sure). We watch "Supergirl" on a regular basis, now in the second season, on about episode 8 or 9. It's actually enjoyable and compelling with what I oftentimes describe as having characters who are just "so cute." MSNBC is on frequently, with AM Joy being the weekend morning go-to followed by some HGTV... whatever's on. Boring, I'm sure. I just don't think I can get myself to watch "Tiger King."
We've done some online meetings, too. The kids have each ZOOMed with their classmates, and Dan and have done so with a few friends to celebrate Perry's birthday. We've had many Facetime calls with my dad to keep him company and catch up with him, and we also played some Facetime Tenzi with our friends, Al and Lisa.
We don't really know what we're doing other than doing what we're supposed to do. I am shocked that we're not more miserable about it than we are. Genuinely shocked. Actually, I think we're doing okay. I'm probably working more than I do when I go in to the office (it's so easy to do so). And, yeah, it's more screen time and less actual learning than is ideal and good. But we're all making it work. I am grateful for my job. I am grateful for technology. I am grateful for social media. I am grateful for our governor. I am grateful for my family adjusting to this new reality as well as they have. We don't know what we're doing, we don't know what to expect, and we don't really know how long this will last. We're surviving, and doing so in a (mostly) balanced way such that we should exit with our sanity, our brains, our health and our still liking each other.
COVID-19 is here, and, well, we're just following the rules and surviving it better than I could have ever imagined.
