Gramma Gramma



Grandma Gibs, Gramma Gramma (with Cal)
and Nanny (July, 2009)

I don’t know very many people who had a great grandmother to hug early in their lives.  I had one (my dad’s grandmother).  Cal has had three – Grandma Gibs, Gramma Gramma and Nanny (my Grandma Reiter passed away long before I met Dan).  The significance of this is probably lost on Cal.  At almost four years old, he doesn’t really understand his relationship to all of these people (his relatives) he sees regularly and with whom he has DNA in common.  He will tell you that Grandma Reiter is Mommy’s mommy and Grandma Leatherman is Daddy’s mommy; but I don’t know how much he “gets” that and understands these two relationships are the same as the one he has with me.

For me, seeing mine and Dan’s grandmothers hold Cal and then two of them hold Ella was a different kind of special than seeing our mothers hold them.  The relationship that we had with our grandmothers was one of genuine happiness and respect, one that was rarely contentious and one that was always simply satisfying.  That’s how I remember it, anyway.  They are our link to the early third of the 1900s, having lived during the Great Depression, a World War or two and Lou Gehrig’s streak and illness that stopped it.  Wow.  And they are major factors in the fact that Cal and Ella exist today.  These great grandmothers held our parents, us and our kids in their arms – I just find that to be very fascinating, special and sweet.

Cal was only 8 months old when Nanny, my maternal grandmother, passed away. Ella never met her.  For both of the kids she is really only “remembered” through pictures and any stories about her that we may share with them.  When Ella says “no” gesturing assertively with her hand in the air, we say that she reminds us of Nanny who would do the same thing.

This past Saturday, Gramma Gramma, Dan’s paternal grandmother, passed away after a battle with pancreatic cancer, diagnosed early this year.  Her battle included surviving treatments that had other negative effects on her body and one that demanded she endure significant pain (physical and, I’m sure, emotional).

I have an impression of what Gramma Gramma was all about based only upon 7 years of family gatherings and occasional “ad hoc” visits to her house.  I believe she was emotionally strong, had opinions, wasn’t afraid to voice those opinions, was proud, valued family and adored her many grandchildren and great grandchildren.  I know she had an appreciation for gardening and was skilled and knowledgeable about it; and it is this trait of hers that I hope to instill in my kids.  I will try to regularly recall with them that Gramma Gramma was a really good gardener and that they have that in them somewhere.

This past Sunday was absent any plans, so we drove down to Dan’s parents’ house to spend some time with them.  It turned out to be a nice day with nearly the whole immediate family.  It was unplanned, not overly sad and just nice to be together.

Anyway, we hadn’t yet told Cal and Ella that Gramma Gramma had passed away the day before.  On the way down, Dan decided to do so, taking this approach from the driver’s seat, radio turned down low: “When we’re at Grandma’s and Papa’s house and when you see Papa, make sure you give him a big hug and tell him, ‘I’m sorry you lost your mom, Papa.’ Because Papa's mom, Gramma Gramma, passed away and is with Squeaker <Cal’s first cat> now.  Okay, Buddy?”

I don’t remember exactly what Cal said in response to it, but I do remember that we weren’t left with the impression that he was listening.  Oh, well, I thought; it was a good try.  And then I turned the radio back up.

It's not that I forgot this chat; I just didn't have any expectations that it would be taken any further. I was wrong. We had been at Dan’s parents’ house a couple of hours and just happened to be in the living room when Papa walked in the door.  The moment he was taking his second step into the house, Cal exclaimed from across the room, “I’m sorry about your mom, Papa. She’s with Squeaker now.”

It was brief, to the point, unemotional and a little rough, but his saying it warmed our hearts nonetheless.

Earlier today, Gramma Gramma was buried next to her husband who passed away 7 years ago, just before I met Dan. It was a beautiful day for many family and friends to come together to celebrate a beautiful woman's life.  She will live forever in our hearts, memories and shared stories. RIP, Gramma Gramma.  We love you.

Gramma Gramma with Ella
(December, 2011)