How Times Have Changed

My Family, My Life

I cut work a little short last Friday to grab some drinks with co-workers.  Dan joined us, too.  We left at ~4pm and headed to a bar not even a block away.  Dan and I had adjusted plans to catch the 5pm train which would get us “home” in time to pick Cal and Ella up from their long days at school before school closed.

It would have been nice to be able to stay for more drinks and shared stories, perspectives and personal barbs.  Too often work is work and people I work with are work, and I don’t experience them outside of work.  They’re pretty interesting and entertaining.  But Dan and I had kids to pick up, feed and get to bed.  So we said our good-byes at ~4:50 and headed to Union Station.  It’s nice to work that close to our train, by the way.

During the short walk to the train, it occurred to me how different my life is today than it was 5 or 10 years ago.  I used to make the occasional “audible” to screw the evening plans or non-plans and just stay later to enjoy the impromptu, post-work happy hour longer.  I always had “Social Club” volleyball, softball and/or football games to get to, and these were typically followed by trips to nearby or sponsor bars to grab drinks and laugh and create memorable experiences with friends.  It wasn’t uncommon for me to respond with “I’m in!” immediately following an email or call for a “Girls’ Night” dinner or a friend’s birthday party.  I regularly went to Cubs games and White Sox games, fun which oftentimes extended beyond the games themselves.  My home was silent and peaceful if I wanted it to be.  Post-dinner cleanup involved dabbing my face with a napkin and doing a quick wipe-up of the table with a wet rag… if I even sat at a table... or used a napkin.  I biked everywhere and went for runs along the lakefront often.  I slept solidly through the night, and could count on solo, uninterrupted showers in the morning, after a run, whenever.

I don’t do that anymore.  I can’t do that anymore.

The one who screams

Instead, I pick the kids up from school before 6:30pm or suffer financial penalty or, worse, embarrassment or, even worse, my kids’ disappointment.  I have to either coordinate with Dan or line up a babysitter before committing to an evening event that doesn’t have me on a train by 5pm or home in the evening.  I regularly field complaints from a 4-year-old about what we’re having for dinner (even when it’s his favorite) and make repeated, always-challenged pleas to him to wash his hands.  I typically fix dinner with a kid screaming for me to pick her up or give her something or, worse, something I can’t possibly solve.  Post-dinner cleanup involves wiping faces, scrubbing tables and sweeping floors, and that doesn’t even get things clean.  My showers are either shared with two kids, interrupted by one or just need to be scheduled because the kids are needy when I want to take one.  I regularly unknowingly wear clothes soiled by goopy hands, rarely ride my bike and can’t go for a run without wondering if I’ll have my continence or not.

Cal, Me and Ella

And the thing is, that’s fine with me.  It’s my reality.  It’s what my life has become.  And I’m happy to do it.  Sure, at times I miss my life from 5 or 10 years ago and the fun, flexibility and friendships that characterized it.  But I miss my high school years, too, those wonderful, carefree days with as much responsibility as I wanted to take on, friends I still have today and everything ahead of me.

It comes down to this: my life 5 or 10 years ago is a great memory.  My life today with all of its insanity, stress, sacrifice and compromise is wonderful, perfect in its imperfections; and at the root of that wonderfulness is that I regularly get to see my kids smile and hear my kids call me “Mommy.”

The ones who call me "Mommy"