Sweet Ella

I rocked Ella to sleep last night.  It was the best half hour I’ve had in awhile, which is not to suggest I haven’t had many good half hours.  This one was just especially good, absent any noise other than the sound of the rain hitting the house and of Ella’s breaths… absent any rules about how I should really put Ella to bed... absent the stresses of knowing I have to do some work before going to bed myself.

I didn’t plan it – it just happened.  We were sitting on the glider in her room.  I had just finished reading “If I Could Keep You Little” to her as she paged through “Good Night, Chicago.”  We both put our books down on the re-purposed nightstand next to the glider.  Ella turned to look at me and said, “Nye Nye,” to which I responded, “Ready to go Night Night?”  She nodded and then twisted her body to face mine entirely and cuddled up against me, tucking her head under my chin.  There aren’t many better feelings than how I feel when she does that. I smile just thinking about it.

I expected this to last for only a minute (if even that), for her to tire of being upright and let me know that she was officially ready for “Nye Nye… heah” (pointing at her crib).  Ella has never been the child to fall asleep on mine or Dan’s chest or to curl up next to us, relax and just happen to fall asleep.  Her cuddles generally last only a few seconds.

Sweet Ella, the day after she was born

Since she had just paged through “Good Night, Chicago,” I had Chicago on my mind.  I started telling the story of the night she was born, that she was born in Chicago even though we live in Naperville… that it’s 40 miles away… that Mommy likes her doctors (they’re midwives) and nurses in Chicago.  I told her how excited Mommy and Daddy were… that I was in labor for several hours... that they told me to take a nap while in labor and how crazy is that... that I only pushed for 18 minutes with her help.  I told her that Mommy’s a little older so my pregnancy was a little riskier… that I was so relieved that she was healthy… that I was so happy she was a girl even though I would have been happy with a boy but there’s just something special about a little girl.  And the “story” went on a bit from there.  I don’t know how to make up fun fairy tale stories, so real stories will have to do.

She did look at me and smile after a few  minutes in this position, but she immediately curled her head back down under my chin to assume the position I (we) had been enjoying.  Her legs draped over either side of my hip, her right arm hooked gently around my left and her left arm hung down across my chest and stomach.  I rocked us back and forth in the glider.  Her breaths started getting deeper, and I felt the full weight of her body in my arms.  I smiled because I knew she was falling asleep.  I rested my head on the glider, closed my eyes and continued rocking, concentrating on the sounds of the rain hitting the house and of Ella’s deep breaths.  Several minutes passed.  I don't know how many exactly.  My mind was clear of everything except how sweet my Ella is, and how special those minutes were to me.

I’m not sure how long I would have stayed in that position holding Ella had I not been interrupted by Cal’s “Mommy!  Mommy!  Mommy!”  outside Ella’s bedroom door.  He didn’t know I was behind the door with her.  He’s been known to fall off of the stool in his room in the dark, so I couldn’t not see what he needed.

I counted in my head, “1… 2… 3” like I normally do aloud to her before standing up from the glider and then stood up.  Ella didn’t wake.  I walked her over to her crib, laid her down gently on her back and handed her “binkie” (blanket) to her. She immediately rolled to her belly, crunched her legs to her belly and curled her arm around her blanket.  I draped her other blanket over her back which was met with a softly uttered, “No” (she doesn't like the "extra" blanket draped over her now). She wasn’t completely asleep but was so relaxed.  “Good night, sweet Baby Girl... I love you,” I said.  Thank you for that moment, Ella.  There aren’t many better ways to spend a half hour in my book.